Navigating Difficult Conversations
When you think about needing to have a difficult conversation with someone, how do you feel? Do you get tension in your stomach, a racing heart, and feel restless? You are not alone. Navigating difficult conversation can cause anxiety and apprehension. Difficult conversations don’t necessary mean confrontational or “bad” conversations, but they can move us towards getting our needs met, clarifying expectations, and making the changes that we need to grow and improve. Here are some things to consider if you need to navigate a difficult conversation:
1. Breathe, and make sure you are in the right mindset to have this conversation
It is very important people are in the right mindset to have a difficult conversation. If you or the other person cannot have this conversation, do not be afraid to gently discontinue the conversation, and agree upon another time that would be better for both of you. It may be beneficial for you both to take a few deep breaths together, and do not be afraid to pause and breathe whenever you need to
2. Set a loose agenda at the beginning of the conversation
This is pretty straight forward, but it may help to prepare some points you want to discuss in advance. If you are being asked to have this conversation without much notice, it may be helpful to ask the other person for a moment to think about points you may like to add to the agenda.
3. Make your point without attacking the listener
Keep in mind that difficult conversations are going to naturally illicit and heighten emotions for all parties involved. If you are finding yourself or the listener overwhelmed, take a moment to pause and take a deep breath; acknowledge that this is a difficult conversation to yourself and with the listener and regroup by referring to your agenda and getting back to the point at hand.
4. Actively listen, and repeat back what you heard the speak say
Active listening requires you to set aside your own mindset and desire to counterpoint, and REALLY listen. If you had a hard time hearing what the person was saying, ask them kindly to repeat what they said, and make sure to summarize what you heard them say, and ask if you heard them correctly.
5. Take a minute to reflect on what you heard BEFORE responding and consider what is being offered
This may be the hardest part of having a difficult conversation, and sometimes our minds are already working on a counterpoint. Take a moment to pause: what are you feeling and why are you feeling this way based on what you heard? Does it feel important to articulate how you are feeling about what is being offered? If not, how does this feeling inform what you want to say and respond with?
6. Show compassion and empathy for yourself and others in the conversation.
Having empathy and compassion means that you are able to put yourselves in the other persons shoes, and let them know you fully understand their perspective. This person has a perspective and feelings, just like you do. The golden rule applies here: you want to be heard and respected, and you should hear and respect them as well.
Conversations that are difficult may always illicit a little bit of anxiety, and that is okay. Using the above guide, you may find that by the end of the difficult conversation, you feel a bit more at ease. Remember to breathe, and take time to reflect on what you took away from the difficult conversation.
